How much do you remember about those summers we spent together? Because I don’t seem to be able to recall all the things I thought that I’d miss, your perfume and your sun kissed skin, turns out they meant nothing all along.
I was haunted by the emptiness that filled the hole you left, a grave I still can’t bring myself to visit yet. Though I won’t be losing sleep, I still refuse to regret, it took me so long to admit that we were dead; but we were dead.
You buried it in the back yard of a house that we built with our bare hands, where you said we’d grow old together. I felt safe there, I knew every crooked frame, every creaking stair, I could have stayed my whole life, but time was never a friend of mine.
I got so scared that I disappeared into my head for 8 lonely years, and it killed me but it hurt you too and I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But you weren’t there when I needed you most, I felt like I was a ghost of someone you used to love, but I was never enough to save us.
So tell me, is it serious between you and him? I hope to god he makes you happy, I hope I never hear your name again.
The home we made was never more than a house where we fucked and we ate but never fell in love, now you’re sleeping in the bed we made with somebody else, are you happy? Are you happy?
I got so scared that I disappeared into my head for 8 lonely years, and it killed me but it hurt you too and I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
Track Name: Ghost
What if you woke up to an empty bed, and a note that said “I’m never coming home, I can’t live with the person I’ve become”? Would you even notice I was gone? or would would you just carry on staring blankly into spaces that I used to occupy? I always fucking hated that distance in your eyes.
I’m a ghost; I’m a shadow on the wall of a house you don’t go in any more. And though transparency is nothing new to me, I guess I never thought you’d be the one to leave.
So what’s there to say? I know that “sorry” is what’s expected, but what will that change? I’m still sleepless in the bed that I have made, the grave, the product of my selfish ways.
And I know that this would mean everything to someone but nothing to you, I never meant to be the boy who cried wolf, there was just no other way to get through to you, I mean how was I expected to tell you the truth? You couldn’t even look me in the face most days, and it’s taken me this long to work out why.
But I, I spent years feeling ashamed, I spent years being afraid of something that wasn’t there in the first place.
Did you ever love me?
What if you woke up, and you’d forgotten everything I have said, could we be happy again?
If I can learn to live with myself, could you learn to love me like you said you did? I know that I hate the man I am, but I’m the man that you made me.